Cuckold and Cuckquean

Cuckold is a popularly used term in BDSM. But what does it mean exactly? This article tells you everything you need to know about the term.

Cuckold and Cuckquean — What Does That Mean?

The word 'cuckold' used to simply mean the husband of a wife who has cheated on him. It could also refer to a man who is frequently mocked.

However, with men and women’s exploration of new sexual fantasies and desires, ‘cuckold’ has evolved to have a fresh meaning. It now pertains to a husband who permits and observes his wife having sexual activities with another man.

This change in meaning has led to the creation of several sub-types of the term, which we will discuss later.

Conversely, a 'cuckquean' is the female equivalent of a cuckold.

Term Origin

Cuckold was derived from the actions and habits of the cuckoo bird—which is known to lay eggs on other birds’ nests. The husband of the female cuckoo is deceived as he is unaware of his wife’s unfaithfulness and would not know about it until the arrival of the child that is not his.

This action of a female cuckoo bird can be paralleled to the official meaning of a cuckold which is a husband of an adulteress. The term cuckold was first seen in 13th-century literature. It was used by writers and poets to describe men who were mocked because the whole town knew his wife was unfaithful to him. Due to romanticism and the rapidly changing times, the term humorously morphed into the fetish of a man watching his wife be sexually involved with another man and enjoying it.

Cuckold: A Phenomenon of the BDSM scene?

Cuckolding is a subset of the BDSM scene. It is a sexual fetish that involves two married people and another individual. It is different from threesomes because the husband or the wife (cuckquean) does not physically participate in the sexual engagement.

The meaning of cuckolding can slightly differ when associated with these different terms often used in BDSM:


Cuckolding is a submissive behaviour of BDSM. A cuckold acknowledges that he cannot give sexual satisfaction to his wife—it might be because of a small penis or the habit of pre-ejaculation. Because of this, he agrees that his wife engage in sexual activity with another man who is more capable in giving her pleasure.

Are you down for some naughty dating?Join these hookup sites for free


On the other hand, the fetish of a man seeing his wife getting pleasured by another man can also be an act of being dominant in BDSM. It could be so that the husband wants to see his wife enjoying just so he could punish her afterwards. There is also a term called ‘alpha cuckold’ which means that the husband, solely for his pleasure, controls his wife in terms of who she will engage with sexually.


Cuckolding is a form of masochism as it mostly involves mental humiliation. The husband is aware and willing that his wife be in the hands of another man. He enjoys being humiliated, degraded, and experience demeaning activities from his wife and her sexual lover. The fetish here is the feeling of being left out due to the lack of participation.

When the husband is forced to watch against his will, that is not cuckolding. If the husband participates in any way sexually, that is also not considered cuckolding.


Cuckold can be considered voyeuristic as voyeurism is the act of gaining sexual pleasure from watching others engaging in sexual activity, whether those engaged in sex activities are aware or not. But cuckolding is under the strict rules of consent from all three individuals involved.

Voyeurism doesn’t mean that the people engaged in sex do not know that they are being watched, that’s illegal and consent is important (especially in cuckolding). But still, voyeurism is also linked to be the fetish of watching individuals undressing, masturbating, or doing the deed with them unaware that they are being watched. This kind of voyeuristic fetish, they said, is most satisfying, but again, a violation of privacy.

Cuckolding promises better sex — is that true?

The answer to that question is: it really depends. There is a downside and an upside to cuckolding. The downside is when the wife takes so much pleasure from the sex with the other man, she can develop emotional feelings toward him. This could affect her attraction to you—sexually and emotionally—as she knows that she can get so much more pleasure from the other man.

The upside is, cuckolding can be a thrilling experience especially if the married couple practice a dom-sub sexual relationship. Some men really like the idea of getting humiliated at first (being the cuckold) and then punishing their wife because he saw how his wife enjoyed being with another man as part of their BDSM act. This could make the sex better as both have played on each other’s feelings and are seeking revenge. And you know what they say, revenge sex is always good.

Am I a Cuckold / a Cuckquean? Author Chris Pleines
Chris Pleines
Founder of Datingscout and Author of the book "Online Dating for Dummies"
Chris founded Datingscout 15 years ago, and today he is one of the leading Online Dating Experts. He is the author of the book "Online Dating for Dummies" and the author of the Internet's largest online dating study analyzing 20 Million Profile Pictures with artificial intelligence. Chris Pleines holds a master degree in media science and appeared in numerous television interviews and publications to give expert advice as well as tips about online dating.

Personalized Recommendation

Which dating site is right for you?

Get your personalized recommendation

Get more info...